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February 20, 2011

Conscious shift in body language

Modern generations are becoming more and more dependent upon verbal and written modes of communication. Most of us can’t cross words and catch what is really being exchanged under their cover. Moreover, we are lacking attention we should pay while interacting with others and bring clarity in it.

Electronic gadgetry is becoming more famous day by day but some of you might have heard about recent inventions of mind reading devices. However, it’s not surprising that each of us has such built-in mind reading device; it's our subconscious mind itself.

Our subconscious mind continuously investigates world around us. It’s the system which evolved to protect ourselves from all possible dangers, challenges and threats to our very existence. Not only threats are predominantly examined but opportunities that increase the chances of our survival are also exploited. Communication is the one way we try to achieve it.

Effective communication is not only letting other know about our thoughts, ideas, perceptions, threats and feelings but understanding them more accurately. Well we communicate, worthy it becomes for survival.

Human brain’s large size compared to primates is what separated us from them on the path of evolution. Human evolution was not only driven by course of nature but by the steps our ancestors took towards development.

Most of us think that knowing about body language is like getting an access into others' subconscious mind but that’s not the sole purpose of it at all. More you know about yourself, better you could communicate with others and avoid the circumstances or situations you don’t want. For the same, we need to monitor our thoughts consciously and let them express more effectively so they manifest the way we want. 

We need to take initiatives ourselves to improvise the patterns of communication, let them be nonverbal or verbal both. Physical exercise empowers, improves immunity, adds energy, and brings liveliness and self-worth. Same way, shifting body language also affects the way others perceive you and respond.

Standing and parading confidently shifts hormonal secretion as well and brings sense of self-control or using gestures reasonably makes conversations interesting or friendly gaze and smile makes other feel better about you for example.

Let’s take an example of one of the etiquette we all follow in social life. We greet others on our own to let them feel comfortable and friendliness with us and we get alike response in return.

Watch this interesting TED presentation delivered by Dr. Amy Cuddy about dramatic hormonal secretion after conscious shift in body language.

Our actions and reactions have brought what we are currently and would possibly be in future. Each of us has potential to revolutionize life and we got to believe it.

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February 12, 2011

Like attracts Like

In daily life, most of us would prefer to situations or conditions which are favorable and parallel with our best interests. Very few of us willfully struggle with adverse and anomalous things on constantly basis. It’s natural tendency to gravitate in safer environments and circumstances as soon as possible because we have to spend less energy and labors. 

We unconsciously try to multiply survival opportunities by doing same. Small variations are unconsciously perceived as nuisance or an immediate threat to our existence. Same rule applies to persons we try to attract or get attracted to at unconscious level.

Generally, we tend to avoid differences and so persons who are difficult to handle or easily co-relate with. We feel comfortable to connect and interact with others having similar kind of behavior, habit, communication patterns, beliefs, ideas, ideologies and interests irrespective of geography, language, gender, race, and ethnicity they belong to. Even though we may get attracted to or influenced by persons of dissimilar nature, it's a short lasting tenure most of time.

Take an example of healthy partnership or deep friendship. These relationships survive and flourish when peers have quite similar personality traits, feelings, and dispositions (though having different skill sets, levels of energy, and competencies) or they consciously manage to match or complement with each other. Happy marriages or romantic relations walk on same way.

This is quite evident in outside world that two persons with similar natures or psychological characters get attracted towards each other and stay together over a long time - let them be enthusiastic, depressed, unhappy, socially outgoing, jealous, confident, adventurous, charismatic, submissive or even pathetic.

Similarities offer two person greater advantage in most situations and over a long time. We wants to stay with people with alike nature because we've to spend less time and energy to match or compromise with unconscious survival plans that are different than our own.

When it comes to self-esteem or body image, law of attraction works even stronger than usual. A person perceiving itself as less attractive or appealing (despite of what others think about him/her) remain more comfortable over a long time with others with negative body image and vice a verse.

Promisingly, change in mindset or communication pattern can change kind of union you could stay in. So it’s the choice to attract or get attracted towards the kind of people who resonate with your true nature and emotional character.

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February 01, 2011

Importance of Eyes

It’s undoubtedly true that Eyes are the windows of the soul. Romantic poets, photographers, painters, classical dancers and artists have lot more to mull over them than most of us. Without eyes on the face, we can hardly imagine about communicating with outer world at the first place. In fetal stage, eyes start taking shape before any others facial features do.
Eyes not only collect an enormous amount of visual information from outside world but also express emotions, intentions, motives, feelings and cognitive states. Biological construction of eyes is more complex in comparison to some parts of human brain itself. Eyes are crucial sensory organs for every creature that got evolved with it and almost every creature on earth have eyes.

Looking at each other is an inevitable part of every face-to-face confrontation and communication. Basically, looking at the other person or looking at each other can be anything like attracting, getting attracted, sympathizing, respecting, surrendering, dominating, threatening, interrogating, invoking, attacking, stopping or permitting to enter into private space depending upon facial expressions, neck position, gestures and postures.

Even if two persons are not looking at each other directly or into each others' eyes, batting of eyelids by them clearly signifies they both have noticed presence of each other through their peripheral (secondary) vision. Also, batting an eyelid once or in a few repetitions is an unconscious expression or reaction out of fear, submission, insecurity or respect towards a (complete) stranger or a known person.
Especially, an elongated and direct eye contact exchanged by two different individuals sparks the neural pathway that triggers the primitive defense mechanism and it prepares our whole body for an emergency. We have to decide either to approach/face or back off from the person who is directly looking at us or into our eyes with some kind of motive, intention or drive.
Generally, we avoid long lasting gaze at strangers to avoid aggression or reprisal from them since they are not fully aware with our nature, intentions or motives until getting acquainted. However, looking directly at something or somebody (with completely expressionless face and without batting eyelids) over a long time indirectly suggests that something is really troubling internally or externally.

In very close and intimate relationships, considerably longer, comfortable and frequent eye contact is the key for retaining mutual interest, sympathy, confidence and trust. In the initials stages of courtship, only eye contact regulates the direction, pace and progress of relationship formation. Unlike apparent and easily detectable hand gestures, eyes can send signals to indented receivers without being noticed by others.

We commonly experience that a steady gaze with non-threatening facing expressions like smile, (slightly) titled neck and slightly raised eyebrows with wide open eyes for a second or so is an irresistibly interest invoking facial gesture. Also, this gesture can be easily sensed or detected from a few feet away. Smile makes this entire gesture threat-free.

This is a genetically hardwired social ritual for letting others feel secure and comfortable while confronting face-to-face or sighting alongside. However, an accidental short lasting gaze or glance should not be considered as signal of attraction or hostility. Actually, facial expressions and especially eyebrows give the clear clue.

Bedroom eyes or dilated pupils and Beady eyes or contracted pupils are wisely capitalized by commercial advertisers. Pupils get automatically dilated when subconscious mind (limbic brain) finds someone or something worth interesting, appealing, agreeable or attractive. Pupils get contracted when aggression, anger, disinterest and hostility takes control of our minds.

Physiologically, pupil dilation is also subjected to amount of light it receives. Pupils dilate in darkness whereas they contract in bright light. However, candle light dinner is an illusionary effort to induce attraction or affection since pupils automatically dilate receiving low light.
Our brains are hardwired to get attracted to a person (especially of an opposite gender) with dilated pupils. That's the very reason why restaurant and coffee shop owners purposefully create and reserve low illuminated areas for couples for helping them to induce arousal and romantic feelings in them.

Gaze held at the line of sight and comfortably meeting with others' eyes symbolizes social, confident, friendly and open approach whereas gaze hovering on face or other body parts below it convey reserved, aggressive, awkward and intimate feelings. Unsteady gaze and eye contact might be subjected to mental instability, uncertainty or inability to regulate emotions.
3 Types of Directed Gaze
Women are more comfortable with considerably direct, prolonged and steady eye contact since they are more sympathetic, social and diplomatic. They seek for trust, confidence in and assurance from others. Men's nervousness in meeting eyes with women might generate feelings of insecurity, distrust and uncertainty in women.

Unlike women, most men like males from most of the other animal species are guardians of their own geographical territories and follow social hierarchy. Hence they mostly avoid direct, prolonged and steady eye contact until it’s a friendly encounter with other men or a flirtatious encounter with women.

During a conversation, avoiding an eye contact (with the person who speaks) shows aversion, disagreement, withdrawal, lack of attention or even disrespect. Moderately dropped and averted gaze can be attributed to submissiveness, disappointment, doubtfulness, disagreement and lack of confidence, low self-esteem or depression.