The Truth about Lying

Modern techno-industrial world has been suffering from and getting plagued by elaborate lies and deceptions. Massive frauds, con-jobs, fake news, forgeries, ponzi schemes, misonformation, disinformation, malinformation, deepfake images and deepfake videos have been affecting millions people. Also, the amount of nonverbal deception overwhelms the verbal lies in the modern techno-industrial. Of course, blindly believing, unsuspecting, innocent, gullible or naive people are the easiest targets.

Surprisingly, the ultimate goal of the most people living in the modern techno-industrial world who attend seminars, read books and/or articles (including this one) and watch videos about body language is to become a good human lie detector. Am I right? Matter of fact is that developing ability to detect lies on spot and catch liars red-handed and timely with great precision is the greatest dream of many people. After all, why it shouldn’t be?

"Trustworthiness between any two individuals is entirely depedent upon mutual Transparency, Truthfulness and Verifiability. That's why TRUST is the costliest asset in the whole world."

No matter how badly we want the whole human world to walk on path of truthfulness, we just can't eradicate the trait of lying from the basic human nature. Surprisingly, we do believe in lies of others simply because we do lie to or deceive ourselves too. Hence, until we don’t thoroughly understand and realize Why we lie?, we wouldn’t be able to suspect and detect lies in the first place. Hence, let's see how, why, where, when and which types of lies are born. Indeed, it's going to an enlightening journey.

In a kind of world in which competition, fighting, rivalry, scarcity, vulnerability, mortality, intimidation, dissimilarity, differences, domination, punishment, pain, rejection, out-casting, abandoning, loneliness, theft, terror, biases, barriers, injuries and threats are completely absent; people wouldn’t (need to) lie at all. The world would be nothing less than a paradise which we read about in holy books and scriptures. Correct? Unfortunately, we don’t live in such kind of an utopian world at all.

In our world, every individual fights for survival. An individual needs to find out and work on many different ways to compete, acquire resources, find a mate and pass genes to next generation while living along with thousands of people who are its present and potential allies, partners, protectors, friends, foes, challengers, competitors, rivals and intimidators. By the way, both humans and non-human entities can be pose challenges, competitions, threats and obstacles.

If an individual is immortal, enough resourceful, very powerful, very strong, extremely skilled and completely independent to live and do everything all alone for survival and propagation of genes, he/she wouldn’t (need to) lie to anybody. Lying is an easiest way for an individual to fix different types of social issues on temporary basis.

It's always worth remembering that lying is an entirely social or group activity. Any single individual can't give birth to a lie at all, no matter how badly a lie needs to take birth. Until there's no potential receiver of a lie, there's no point in giving birth to it at the first place. Hence, at least two (living) individuals are required for giving birth to a lie. Don’t you agree? Please let me explain.

A) A child rushed to home crying with no tears in eyes after beating another child. Unsuspecting yet protective mother immediately smelled potential threat to her child and rushes towards child. She asked to child that who fought with her child in the playground.

She wasted no time in asking her child if he/she caused the fight and started abusing the unseen culprit. She rushed to the playground aggressively and started looking for culprit impatiently.

B) A manufacturing company gave a clear signs of going bankrupt. Its owner became dead worried about future. The owner was desperately looking for breakthrough. Suddenly, two incompetent employee copied idea of an innovative product from internet.

One of them hurriedly presented it to the owner by saying that he/she designed the product. The owner didn’t waste time in verifying the employee’s competency to design such product.

C) A wealthy 50 year old man wanted to marry and start family. He was afraid of rejection due to his unattractive looks. One day, a lone 45 year old woman wearing makeup caught his attention in a social function which he was attending upon invitation.

He immediately got attracted towards her due to her "young looks". He approached her and started talking with her. He started flying in sky after she told her age as 25 years.

Secondly, knowing what types of lies a person can tell would help you greatly in detecting them. Following are the seven major types of lies:

A) Denial - It is refusing to acknowledge a truth. The extent of denial can be quite large i. e. they may be lying only to you just this one time or they may be lying to themselves.

B) Omission - It is leaving out relevant information. Easier and least risky. It doesn’t involve inventing any stories. It is passive deception and less guilt is involved.

C) Restructuring - It is distorting the context by saying something in sarcasm and changing the characters or altering the scene.

D) Error - It is a lie told by mistake. The person believes they are being truthful but what they are saying is not true.

E) Exaggeration - It is representing oneself as greater, better, more experienced/eligible and more successful.

F) Minimization - It is reducing the effects of a mistake, a fault or a judgment call.

G) Fabrication - It is deliberately inventing a false story.

In above three examples, desperation, fear and anxiety took hold of minds of three persons who didn’t suspect and didn't bother verify if the other person is telling the truth. Strong emotions and fundamental needs put thicker filters on their sensory perception.

One person simply got carried away with lies told by other person. Protecting themselves and their interests unconsciously made all of them to believe in what other persons told.

First lie (A) is an example of Omission, second lie (B) is Fabrication and third lie (C) is Exaggeration.

"There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies and statistics."
- Mark Twain

Following are a few general facts about Lying:

1) People believe in lies not because they need to but they want to. By (blindly) believing in a lie, people want to save (mental) energy and time required to verify its authenticity.

2) An individual’s ability of detecting lies decreases with increment in its emotional filters and biases that interfere with processing of sensory inputs and suppress rationality.

3) Any single isolated clue or hot-spot doesn’t points to lying. Multiple body language clues and signals need to be analyzed together in given context.

4) Telling a lie or lying generates stress and discomfort inside body which is unmistakably given away. Words do lie but (entire) body can’t.

5) Most people lie to satisfy and fulfill their primal drives, needs or urge if there’s no other fair ways to do so in a given amount of time.

6) The individuals who have a great control over their own emotions and biases can detect lies in other effectively.

7) When words and bodily clues start conflicting with each other, body language gives credible clues.

8) Key principle of interrogation is to induce more stress in the individual being questioned.

9) Without establishing nonverbal baseline of an individual, deviations can’t be detected.

10) Highly ambitious, apathetic and/or bold people tell more fabricated lies, tales or stories.

11) Lying decreases with growing in mutual confidence, empathy and trustworthiness.

12) A complete stranger can detect lies more efficiently than a familiar one.

13) Only facial expressions aren't the credible clues for catching liars.

14) Lack of proximity, accessibility and transparency often allows lying.

15) Looking into eyes isn’t a credible sign of one telling truth.

16) Controlling expressions and motions is precursor of lying.

17) Most of the lies are harmless, illogical and entertaining.

18) Most needy, greedy, weak and/or fearful lie the most.

19) Women can lie and catch lies better than men.

20) A lie eventually leaks out verbally or nonverbally.

21) Stressed liars appear relived after telling truth.

22) Inability to rationalize leads to believe in lies.

23) Psychopaths are the liars without remorse.

25) Lying is a human trait but deception isn't.

Only grown-ups lie? Nope! It starts from an early age which most of us wouldn't even imagine about. Babies start lying and faking right from age of 6 month. Do we only lie to others? Nope! We do lie to ourselves by twisting facts and denying them wishfully. However, a hope is a necessary lie for survival.

Lying, fabricating and faking starts at an early age in humans.

Apart of psychopaths and seasoned criminals, normal people can’t live peacefully with lies they tell to others over a long period of time. Most people lie out of fear and then become fearful out of lying. Guilt starts eating most people from inside.

In once exceptional case, an animal lied once. Koko, a female gorilla, was born in San Francisco Zoo and was trained to talk using a modified form of American Sign Language which was taught by her trainer and caretaker Ms. Francine Patterson.

One day, Koko ripped a sink out of the wall and she put blame on her pet kitten by signing "cat did it" when her keepers confronted her about it. The gorilla might have lied due to ability of speaking through sign language and prolonged proximity to humans.

Koko, a captive gorilla, lied using the sign language.

"Surprisingly, how easily, quickly or foolishly you get convinced by a lie is entirely dependent on YOU only. Yes! It’s you and nobody else i. e. your very own mental processing capacity, prior knowledge, awareness, perception, prejudices, urgencies, (mis)beliefs, biases and/or needs."
- Body Language Insights (Book)

With invention of computers, the very ambition has turned into many software applications. However, modern and industrialized human civilization isn’t free from costly lies and dangerous liars. With invention of telephones and cellphones, we started lying over large distances.

With on-going development in neural networks, machine learning and Artificial Intelligence (AI); lie detection might reach to a new level and go in a new direction about which we have not imagined ever before.

Related Links:
1) My career saving lie detection 2) Face of liar(?) 3) From Common Signs to Spotting Lies 4) Entire body can’t lie 5) Baseline 6) Body Language of Extreme Psychopath 7) Body Language and Lie Detection

Are you Jealous (of me)?

Jealousy…the little green-eyed monster! He’s omnipresent yet operates invisibly, both in human world full of different emotions & feelings and that of seemingly expressionless creatures. Hardly anybody would have escaped from its clutches or trickery. To be honest, not even me!

So why we get tricked by the green monster after all? What is the root cause? Most importantly thing is that How to identify if somebody is unconsciously expressing jealously towards you by reading the person's body language and behavior?

First of all, Jealousy is not an emotion but a feeling. Unlike unconscious emotional responses or reactions, any feeling gives us an ample amount of time to think about how to react or response. Similar to contempt, Jealousy is a physically non-engaging yet self-defensive reaction or response of human mind.

It means that we don’t express ourselves overtly or physically engage with others immediately in our defense. That’s the reason why many people can’t identify if somebody is feeling jealous about them in real-time. What is Jealousy, in the first place? Let's try to understand it.

Jealousy is nothing but the feeling of insecurity which generates preliminarily out of interpersonal comparison and the resultant perception of lacking on an individual. It induces in our mind after hearing, watching or knowing that other person has something that we don’t have, can’t have or won’t have, let it be a natural or artificial entity.

Let it be an individual’s materialistic possession, inheritance, physical beauty, specialties, capabilities, social rapport, relations (with attractive persons) or attention being given to by others. Some of us just can’t grasp reality and remain contained with what they are and have. Insecurity starts eating them from inside. However, it doesn’t end with comparison and perceiving our own short-comings or short-failings.

We also turn our eyes green towards an individual as a warning message when we feel that the person would probably try to steal, own or control what we have currently. The green-eyed monster doesn’t take hold of grown-up people only but so-called ‘innocent’ children as well.

Elder children express jealousy towards their younger siblings because more attention is given towards them by parents. Some smart children compete for attention and the rest maintain jealous intentions towards their younger siblings.

Jealously runs high in children too,
even more than grown-ups.

Generally, we blame women for getting more jealous, possessive and nagging but it’s not the entire truth. Insecurity out of possessiveness and sense of ownership leads to jealously so men too become jealous especially when they think that the other man is threat to his current relationship status with his lady.

If a man learns that another attractive man is getting attention of his lady then he might feel jealous about her for making him to feel insecure or also about the man for being more attention-worthy then him. Both men and women feeling jealous about their partners or the other person approaching them is red signal for both parties. It shouldn’t be ignored at all.

So how to identify if a person feeling jealous about you or others in real-time? Keenly observe the way the person is looking at you at the given moment. The jealous person would give short lasting fake 'plastic' smile when you smile at the person. The person would give away subtle signs of anger, fear and sadness through its face, body and voice. Mostly of the time, it would be anger and/or sadness.

Along with same, if the person is looking at you without battling eyelids, narrowed eyes and closely lips; you can assume that feeling of insecurity is taking hold of the person’s mind. Most of the time, a jealous person would cross its both arms on its chest while looking at you or being around you while you’re doing something or interacting with others.

When it comes to interacting verbally, the person wouldn’t respond to you comfortably, fluently, continuously or spontaneously. If you think that the person would try to avoid or stay way from you then it's not at all true. In fact, if time permits, the person would find opportunities to be around you so that more and more clues could be collected from you on a regular basis.

Even from long distance, the person would try to listen you and keep eyes on you. On the contrary, person or a partner who doesn't feel insecure about you wouldn't track your movements, interactions and activities continuously.

Jealously: There's no smoke without fire.

A jealous or insecure person might not pose immediate harm to you but matter can get worst in near future if the person couldn’t get out of strong clutches of the green monster. Jealousy might protect us like a shield but it would be unwise to keep it getting thicker and heavier by passing time. Such shield would no longer prove useful to cover one’s insecurities. Would it? What you personally think?

We have to accept reality and overcome insecurity. Everybody isn’t truly complete or perfect and most importantly - lacks in something. Everybody lacks something and we all need each other. It's the only way of overcoming jealousy and/or letting others don’t feel uncontrollably jealous about.

Many beautiful, healthy, wealthy, strong and successful people are living an apparently low profile and simple life. They help others too. They remain quite alert and polite while talking, flaunting, exhibiting or exaggerating about what they currently have or going to have in near future.

This induces less or no jealous feelings in others. Actually, they help others to overcome feelings of lacking and shortcoming. I personally know such wonderful persons. Do you personally know anyone?

Related Articles:
1) Language of Eyes 2) Social Class

Confident Body Language

Confidence or more particularly the Self-Confidence is one of the core requisites of the social and professional lives. It’s not at all secret that exactly how crucially the exhibition, expression and display of self-confidence matters in our lives. How much confidence you have in yourself is how much others can have it in you. Correct?

Right from very normal and casual social interaction to extreme conflict; confident body language can make an enormous and a long lasting difference. Confident exudes and speaks loudly and clearly through body position, orientation, posture, voice and facial expressions.

After all, why showing, displaying, expressing or exhibiting Confidence is so much critical while interacting? Many people might give up responding to an under-confident, timid and uncertain person because it feeds to awkwardness. Nervousness is nothing but an inability to deal with and face people courageously. Also, low-confidence simply means increased level of vulnerability.

People might try to avoid a person because they can’t predict that how an under-confident or fearful person would react. Worst part of being under-confident is that few people with anti-social and evil mentality would try to dominate, overpower, take control of or even harm such person.

Nervous, Afraid, Cold?

If state of under-confidence or cowardliness is really harmful then most probably you might be thinking that being always aggressive and showing off aggression is a very good alternative. Not at all!

We cannot remain aggressive on constant basis. Unwarranted or unnecessary aggression leads to terror, aggression, hostility, withdrawal and retaliation in others.

If it’s really necessary to do so then friendly and co-operative people would tolerate or go along with an under-confident person but not certainly i. e. an aggressive one. So very important questions we’ve here are - How to be or look like a Confident person? How to display Confident body language?

To understand same, we need to study our basic physiology very closely. Our core defensive mechanism works more precisely and stealthy in relation with and through different body parts and sections. Until we don’t learn it thoroughly, we may not understand crucial importance of confidence in body language. Despite of having a very powerful brain, wisdom and aptitude; we cannot stay unharmed or safe all the time. We all are vulnerable and our body is not much stronger. We have to admit that human body is weak and it needs to be protected.

Grizzly bear standing on legs

Even if it's best in the entire animal world, bipedal anatomy (i. e. ability to walk on two limbs/feet) makes body more vulnerable. Why exactly? Walking on two legs exposes torso and abdominal area.

Thus these two major sections of body can easily be targeted by others. Most internal organs are covered by bones and muscles but there are some parts which are covered by only a thin layer of skin.

Front side of neck and sections of torso (upper body) which are not protected by rib cage i. e. stomach, abdomen and venereal (genital) area the most vulnerable. Any serious impact any injuries to these sections can lead to impairment, paralysis and in worst case - death too.

So aren’t other organs or body parts important all all? If you lose your eyes, hands or legs during attack or fight; you may still remain alive but you may not be lucky after being attacked on most vulnerable areas. Let it be historical and modern era, level of confidence in soldiers boosts when armors and helmets are allowed to put on.

So if you keenly observe any person under threat, you would find that it unconsciously tries to cover some of or all mentioned vulnerable sections. Also, the person tries to take cover of something to protect them. Then How exactly a confident person looks, appears and acts? Definitely, it’s entirely opposite to the ways a person remains defensive and withdrawn.

In terms of social interaction, appearing confident or bold is neither being vulnerable nor aggressive. i. e. attaining golden mean of both unaccepted extremes by co-operative, peace-loving and friendly society. Being confident is to face different people, entities, situations, setups and challenges without lack of self-control, fear and uncertainty.

Mostly importantly, it’s about facing the situation and people with enough courage, calm, comfort and easiness. Although many people mistake confidence with aggressiveness, confident body language speaks loudly and clearly to eyes of observers.

Open torso and abdominal region

Being confident and exhibiting the same in presence of people simply means letting the most vulnerable sections of our body keep undefended or exposed even if they’re covered by the cloths of any kind.

Confidence exhibited by a person passes a message to others that the person is fearless, friendly and in-control and thus expecting no injuries to its physically vulnerable hot-spots.

As the person isn’t intended to attack others, they would also remain friendly and harmless towards same. In other words - If you don’t carry a sword in hand; you don’t need to wear an armor.

In the normal conditions, people would to like defend, punish or retaliate only hostile and aggressive person. Any non-hostile and non-aggressive person would definitely be spared. Isn’t it correct?

Avoiding to go unnecessarily aggressive and defensive/submissive is the real key to let people perceive you more positively and if not - harmless and thus as a social person. Most important element of confidence display is to remain composed and comfortable with yourself. Before showing off that how much confident you are, you should feel same inside yourself in the first place. So how exactly confidence is or should be displayed through body language in public? How we can exhibit same following good manners? What things we can avoid as best?

First of all, avoid adapting postures which don't let you feel comfortable while walking, seating and standing. Don’t hunch in your back, don’t slump at neck, don’t cross your arms on chest or pocket your both palms of both hand at once. Avoid shifting posture and making hand gestures erratically and frequently.

Do maintain proper and sufficient eye contact while interacting with others. Especially during verbal interactions, it’s really good to maintain direct eye contact with people almost 75 to 80% of the entire time span. However, culture and society-wise eye contact norms should be followed for better results.

Do you really want to remain in-control of yourself along with appearing equally impressive? Please do remember few basic things that I’ve mentioned over here. Very first personal advice from me is to never cross your arms over your chest if it’s not required. Crossing arm over chest is a defensive or self-doubting stance.

It might be your signature pose (“I, me and myself!”) for photographs but your crossing arms over your chest in public should be avoided especially till the moment you don’t find very need to defend or protect or defend yourself. Avoid clenching fists, gesturing arrogantly and pointing by fingers toward others. Also, don't intrude in private space of others.

Arms crossed over chest

Keep your both arms straight, away and parallel to your torso. Don’t pocket both of your arms at once. Also, don’t pocket the arm alongside of which most important person stands, walks or seats alongside of you.

If it’s possible and easy for you then keep both palms facing towards your body while standing and walking. If you’re seating in a chair having armrests then put both of your arms on them.

Never hold end of the armrests tightly but let your open palms rest on them comfortably. While sitting in a chair, expose your upper body to others and avoid creating any physical barrier between your torso and others. Keep your shoulders wide but don’t let chest puff profoundly.

If you’re sitting in a chair without armrests then you can rest your forearms on your thighs or entwine fingers of both palms near abdomen. Women may not be able seat with squared shoulder and fully exposed torso like men but they definitely can show confident stance along by following local standards and norms.

Best posture to be adapted by women is an upright torso, one leg put on another and palms either put on thighs or fingers of both palms entwine near abdomen. For both both men and women, placing or keeping both legs parallel to each other on ground is good.

Change starts from within

What if you assume yourself as an under-confident person and thus missing-out interesting and meaningful interactions? Well! It’s time to take yourself more easily and positively. Until you’re not comfortable with yourself then it’s nothing but a compromise. In result, you may not be able to express yourself in a healthier manner.

It’s also worthy to remember that you can change yourself and ultimately the way people look at you. Unlike makeup we put on put on our faces, shift in nature cannot happen instantaneously but gradually and partly. After all, we’re not robots to change overnight in appearance, configuration and functioning.

It you want to make a great improvement in your self-confidence; routine exercise and fitness training is a very good option. It not only assures health or immunity but also gives you better sense of self-control. If you’re really afraid of other people due to any physical and psychological weakness, do join self-defense or martial art classes.

Confidence builds bridges and not walls among individuals.

Techniques you learn there would definitely increase level of confidence and also decrease vulnerability. Still, you need to learn to control your defensive impulse while reading emotions on faces and bodies of people, as accurately and quickly as possible.

Related Articles:
1) Good posture is Healthy 2) Positive Body Language 3) Face to Face 4) First Impression and Body Language 5) Power Postures 6) Body Language of Extreme Psychopath

The language of eyes

As far as I remember, I couldn’t watch a single horror film or TV show, from the beginning to end. After growing up, I began to hate and express loathing towards disgusting faces and scenes that dominate most of the horror movies and shows. I don't waste my time in watching horror on screen, even if it's entertaining(?).

Now, I can exercise my choice to walk away from television screen, switch it off or simply hop to next satellite channel whenever a horror movie/serial is broadcasted or played by somebody. My eyes, ears and brain are free from getting horrified, expressing loath and feeling disgusted. Total relief from mental torture!

However, it wasn’t so easy in childhood days when all others in my family wanted to watch horror movie/serial and I needed to keep myself away from horrific or disgusting scenes. Having just a single large television set kept in a hall, I had no other choice but to stay put in presence of my family members watching and listening to horror.

Whenever any horror movie/serial was being broadcasted, I used to put cotton balls in my ears and try to look away from television set. As I clearly remember, I used to bury my eyes in books kept nearby purposefully. There's a great coincidence in body language that fear is as primitive as eyes and their movements are controlled the primitive brain.

Blocking Eyes? Scared?

Just by keeping my eyeballs away from television, I used to avoid extremely anxiety and stress which might have caused by watching the horrifying and disgusting scenes. My eyes were giving away my honest yet fearful intentions to defend myself from psychological distress

Although my senior family members used to call me “Coward”, I never feel bothered about it at all. At least, I never had any characters from any horror movie/serial in my dreams since I didn’t watch them in the first place. Smart strategy it was then and it is now - Simply avoid looking at what might invite stress.

From expressing different emotions, intentions and feelings to signaling attention and orientation, our eyes unconsciously give away various kinds of and very important clues to the outside world. To put simply, eyes do or can reveal much more than what a person says, doesn’t say at all and tries to prove or disprove.

From the very first moment of your entry into this world to the last moment you’ve interacted with anybody or even looked your own face into a mirror, eyes have mattered way too much into your life. Didn't they? Through movements of muscles that surround eye sockets, even blind people convey their emotions e. g. frowning in anger.

Eye of Horus (Egyptian God)

After all, why our eyes really are so communicating? In the world of creatures, human eye is considered as one of the most marvelous organs or body parts if its structural complexity and functionality is considered. Also, unlike most of other organs, eyes are directly connected with brain to an area called which is called as Visual Cortex.

Additionally, eyes are the only sensory organs that start developing in womb quite earlier, right from 4th week after conception. Right after face, eyes are considered the most important element in every facet of human interaction, so much so that merely images and emblems of eyes can trigger array of emotions and feelings.

Before development of ability to speak or the very facial muscles that help in expressing emotions, our remote ancestors and all other creatures had to depend on their eyes for communication along with other movable body parts. They had to use eyes, area surrounding them and other parts of face to send different clues to members of their groups as efficiently and timely as they could.

Through millions of years of development and adaptation (evolution), human eyes became capable of doing so many things than just seeing things e. g. expressing respect or supremacy, signaling interest or aversion, giving away lust or rivalry, seducing or derogating etc.

Different types of eye contacts with different
intentions, emotions, motives and moods

Like computerized eye-trackers, most of us choose to pick and encode signals given away by eye balls and pupils only. In Neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) techniques, “eye-ball response assessment” or decoding cognitive states by detecting movements of eye balls is most popular.

These readings might be accurate but they are highly controversial in main-stream scientific community. After all, eyes don’t just give away cognitive but range of clues which we’re going to see next. I’m quite sure that most of them are first time you might be reading about.

While reading or decoding language of eyes, we have to consider different areas or sections like sclera (white part of eye ball), iris (darker part of eye ball), pupils (darker spot in center), ocular muscles (muscles that surround eye balls), eye lids and eyebrows. Even in some cases, position of neck is also need to be considered.

Before going to clues, we must know what different kinds of clues are or can be given away by eyes. Clues can be broadly categorized as A) Physical B) Social C) Psychological D) Cognitive E) Courtship. Let’s go through them one after another with few examples.

A) Physical Clues: Since input through eyes dominates all other types of sensory inputs reaching to brain, they also give away how and what our brain feels about or rates the physical environment around us. How comfortable we are in given physical environment is unconsciously conveyed by our eyes and its surrounding area. Also, eyes give way clues if our body is suffering from any internal or external factors such as injury, exhaustion or unrest.

A very good example of same is our unconsciously response to light, air flow or harmful entities. When harsh light or wind current hits our eyes, we simply squint or protect our eye balls by tightening muscles that surround eye balls.

Eye lids are partially or fully closed if required. Eyebrows are also pulled down to provide additional protection to eye balls. If extreme conditions, we cover our eyes with palms, look down or move our face away.

Eyes also give away if we are experiencing intolerable pain e. g. badly aching tooth or broken bones. Response to pain and physical sufferings is given away by squinting, pulling eyebrows down and shedding tears. When I compare photos of my face taken at the time when I was suffering from intense back and neck pain with those taken after end of sufferings, I clearly see that area around my eye balls appears more relaxed.

B) Social Clues: Each of us is an integral part of human society which is filled with people having varying socio-economical statues, authorities, resources, belongings, experiences, skills, age groups and physical capacities. Superiority (or dominance), Equality (or equi-dominance) and Subordination (or sub-dominance) can loosely be translated as Respect or Authority, Friendship and Insignificance respectively.

The way one person makes an eye contact with somebody or the way it puts itself into relative physical position (elevation and distance) while looking at other person(s) conveys how the person wants other person(s) to regard him/her. It might be irrespective of how other person(s) really regards him/her. Eye contact made by a dominant, powerful or superior person is exactly opposite to what a subordinate, powerless or inferior person does.

Egoistic, dominant and powerful persons make unhindered, straight, steady and elongated eye contact (with no smile). Most often, they raise their chin to express their confidence and lower it down to derogate or frighten. Often, they maintain considerable physical distance from subordinates and if possible - place themselves on high elevation.

Running eyes from tip to town of subordinate is also done by bossy or type A persons. Imagine a king sitting on a high throne, looking over officers in his court.

C) Psychological Clues: As eyes collect visual clues to be sent to brain, they are also involved in expressing few basic emotions. In fact, facial expressions related with various emotions and feelings are incomplete without eyes. On the other hand, only eyes and its surrounding area are capable of giving emotional clues even when other parts of face are hidden or invisible to an experienced and skilled observer.

Surprised child

Muscles around eyes and eyebrows convey basic emotions like fear, anger, surprise and sadness. While expressing both fear and anger, we pull our eyebrows close to each other and downward only to give protection for eye balls while eye balls appear to be larger in size. However, inner ends of eyebrows move upwards and away from each other in fear.

In sadness, eye balls appear to be normal size and eyebrows aren’t pulled downward but only their inner ends move upwards and away from each other. While expressing surprise or shock, eyebrows go upward and away from eye balls since brain needs to collect more and more visual clues coming through eyes. Just eyebrows can convey fear, anger, surprise and sadness.

D) Cognitive Clues: Eyes are gateways to enormous information, knowledge and intelligence because only vision collects more than 70% of entire data which is processed by and stored inside brain. Our eyes give clues about how much we are interested, attentive, focused and even in dire need of collecting visual information coming from any entity, person or situation.

Confused?

It starts with looking at something covertly or overtly. Our eye balls and especially pupils (darker part of eye balls) are re-directed towards the entity. If we are comfortable about and not afraid of the entity then we keep looking at same continuously without squinting, blocking our eyes or moving our eye balls somewhere else. If we’re focused then we bat our eye lids very less.

If we aren’t able to understand, figure out, grasp or clearly focus on something then we squint and pull eyebrows closer to eye balls. Not understanding something clearly leads to stress which is conveyed by tensed eyebrows and muscles around eye balls. If something arouses us or fires up neurons inside our brain then our eye balls appear bigger and eye lids are pulled wide apart.

E) Courtship Clues: If we find somebody (belonging to opposite gender) interesting or appealing then we don’t hesitate to look at the person. In fact, we crave to have glimpse(s) of that person at multiple times. Additionally, we want to let the person know our interest (irrespective of that person’s interest in us) by attracting its attention towards us in many different ways e. g. gesturing or touching our own body.

Come-Hither look

Who you’re looking at can easily be detected by the direction and angle at which your irises are set. More you covertly or overtly look at the person; more it shows your developing interest about same. Unlike man’s direct gazing, woman can observe man of her interest by glancing him sideways. They are master in using peripheral vision so their observation remains almost undetected for most of the time.

If both parties are mutually interested then they start to look at each other briefly and then look away repeatedly for a considerable amount of time. Come-hither look in which a person looks at person by dropping its chin (and closing eyes partially) is a classical signal of invitation for intimacy. When both persons want to move ahead and initiate courtship then they start looking in each others' eyes. That’s why eyes play a pivotal role during courtship.

Apart from broader classification/categorization of clues mentioned just above, we’ll see some well-known nonverbal give-aways too.

1) Rubbing eyes: Primarily, rubbing of eyes is done to clear away dirt, dust or stickiness from eyes, which we often need to do after getting up from bed in morning. It is also done if a person gets tired of something and wants to take a short break.

2) Blocking eyes: Generally, blocking of eyes is done when we don’t want to look at something, which might be disturbing, distressing or frightening. Also, if we don't want others to look into our eyes (to read our mind) then we simply block them.

3) Gaze aversion: Gaze aversion is done when we don't want others to know that we're looking at them. It is also done when we loose interest in something or somebody. Instantaneous gaze aversion indicates shyness, anger, nervousness or withdrawal.

4) Sleepy eyes: Sleepy eyes convey lack of energy, lack of enthusiasm, lack of freshness and sadness. When we get bored of something or somebody, we staring at same with partially closed eyes. Sleepy eyes suggest weakness, illness or psychological disorder too.

5) Enlarged pupils: Size of pupils is directly controlled by brain. When our brain needs more visual input, our pupils get enlarged. Enlarged pupils convey excitement, arousal and increased level of activities inside brain.

6) Downward gaze: Downward gaze indicate lack of confidence, nervousness, shyness or self-involvement. Downward gaze also suggests embarrassment, insult, loss or sadness. Also it suggests (temporary) social withdrawal.

7) Line-of-sight gaze: Line-of-sight gaze indicates interest, attentiveness, confidence, courageousness, enthusiasm or social involvement. Line-of-sight gaze is considered very normal and also more (socially) acceptable among all other kinds of gazes.

8) Upward gaze: Upward gaze indicates imagination, visualization, fantasizing, thinking, creativity and also (temporary) withdrawal from social interaction. Looking up also indicates stubbornness, contempt, dislike, boredom or preying to almighty.

9) Closed eyes: When we close our eye, world around us cease to exist. Loosely closed eyes with no stress around eye balls indicate peacefulness, contemplativeness or meditativeness. Tightly closed eyes indicate high stress, pain or internal conflict.

10) Shifty eyes: Shifty eyes or unsteady gaze suggests confusion, fear, stress, craziness or lack of confidence. Unlike steady gaze or direct eye contact, shifty eyes during face to face interactions are considered less trustworthy.

11) Blinking eyes: When eye lids start opening and closing rapidly in cycles then it's considered as absolutely abnormal. (Rapidly) Blinking eyes suggest fear, nervousness, guilt, anger and instability. Blinking also suggest hyper neural activities.

Eyes smile too!

If you really want to become master the language of eyes then you have to become a very good observer by being highly attentive towards (minute) details. You must be mentally present in any given situation and have your eyes (and ears also) completely fixed on the person you're observing.

Ability to pick and decode different clues and signals given away by eyes with respect to the given situation is really important but also very challenging for many of us.

I'm quite sure that it ultimately would open a portal to your social development. More you try understanding people; more you become confident, prosperous, peaceful, secured, strong and satisfied. What else you might want?

Related Articles:
1) Just by looking at Hands and Eyes 2) Importance of Eyes 3) Are you Jealous?

Basic responses in stressful situations

Have you ever been in a stressful situation? Actually, I shouldn’t have asked this question in the first place because every single person in this world certainly would have gone through not just a single but multiple stressful situations throughout entire life. What I should have asked instead is that have you ever noticed how exactly your own body responded under stress.

When you clearly understand the different bodily responses to a stressful and more especially to a life threatening or survival situation then perhaps you might be able to alter it for good. Are you getting me clearly?

Let me help you by explaining by sharing a real incident which took place with me quite recently, in an unexpected manner. How me and my wife quickly understood and altered our bodily responses under that particular situation dramatically affected our very well-being. This story is really interesting and I hope you would like it for sure.

Almost a one month ago, my wife and I went to visit a historical place. The place was Gingee fort (செஞ்சிக் கோட்டை), situated 150 KM (93 Miles) away from my rented home in recently flood hit Chennai, India. It’s one of the well built, almost impregnable and also nicely preserved forts in entire world.

We both started to climb by taking the stairs built with locally available rock pieces. As we climbed half of the way to the top, we both got mesmerized by surrounding panorama and especially natural rocky hills and rock formations. I couldn't stop myself from taking photos.

Finally, we entered in citadel which was a narrow and long strip of land, artificially created on top of large and continuous rock. I was really excited to catch images by standing at highest point of citadel but it was about to turn into horror within just few moments.

Gingee/Senji/Jinji Fort (செஞ்சிக் கோட்டை) was praised
as "Troy of East" by British army officers.

I was heading on a narrow and rough pavement and my wife was right behind me. Suddenly, I saw an alpha male monkey which was silently marching towards us. After looking at him, I immediately stopped walking to detect what he was intended to do with us. Instinctively, I started to collect his different body language clues because hungry monkeys attacking humans and injuring them for food is very common (at tourist sites).

As I realized that the grey hair surrounding his face were raised straight and he was bearing his long and sharp canines, both of us went completely frozen. We were completely unsure about how to respond to this unexpected and potentially threatening situation. Clock was ticking and the menacing monkey was walking towards us very fast.

My brain was rapidly gathering up and processing information about potentials risks we might be running into. Soon after realizing that the aggressive monkey was planning to attack us in his own territory, very first thought came into my mind was to run for life. This was very natural and also safer choice at that moment but we couldn’t have acted upon it effectively.

If we would have started to run away, monkey could easily have attacked us from back and injured any of us with his sharp teeth. On the other hand, a single mistake while running on narrow, rough and curly pavement could have resulted into serious injuries or in worst case - thrown us off into a deep moat which was running alongside the pavement. Also, thick grass on both sides of pavement wasn't tall enough to provide cover. For both of us, it was matter of survival.

Alpha male monkey
(Courtesy: dailymail.co.uk)

Even after calling aloud, there was nobody around us to run for helping. If we would have  offered handbag to monkey then we could have lost a camera, a cell phone and dry fruits kept inside it. It could have cost a lot to us. Hence neither running away from nor surrendering ourselves to that wild mountain monkey was a better choice.

After gathering my courage and recollecting best defense moves, I firmly told my wife to stand firmly and get into fighting mode. Both of us started shouting or roaring very loudly at and also blow clenched feasts towards the monkey.

Also, we started sweeping the handbag from one side to another so we could hit that creature. All we wanted was to look more aggressive, fierce and relentless in comparison to the attacking monkey.

For next couple of minutes, we continuously kept shouting, roaring, blowing our clenched feasts, sweeping handbag and throwing whatever we could pick by our hands. Monkey wasn’t giving up that easily but our strategy to appear aggressive and potentially harmful proved fruitful at the end.

After few iterations of attack and retreat, monkey gave up to our collective fierceness, aggression and potential harming capacity and ran away. Rush of adrenaline and sense of safety wasn’t fading quickly though. For further safety, while we were climbing down the fort, I carried a long and strong wooden stick in my hand.

Why we were so sure about saving ourselves by fighting back? My wife and I were far more superior to the monkey in terms of body size and mass, even while lacking required maneuvering capabilities, tactics and skills which untamed monkeys normally have.

The menacing alpha monkey had to retreat and run away only because we both were appearing bigger than our normal sizes through aggressive postures, outreaching body movements, continuous roars, grunts and loud shouts.

We could safely came down from citadel of Gingee fort without loosing valuable stuff and getting hurt only because we chose to fight in face of an unexpected and life threatening challenge. Nothing else but that very incident inspired me to write this article.

Until we don’t understand how exactly our brain and body naturally and sequentially responds in stressful situations, we may not able to alter it if needed or also appropriately respond to, co-ordinate with and assist others who have chosen a particular response unconsciously. Each response is nothing but a marvelous gift of evolution, a proven strategy through Darwinian natural selection.

All of these responses are primitive and they evolved billions of years ago and all (living) creatures act upon them no matter how big or small their brains and bodies are or kind of habitat they live in. These responses are fundamental so can hardly be overridden.

One primary and three secondary responses

Responses have been given by following a sequence in which each creature gives them away. Freeze response in very basic, independent and also mandatory while other responses are strategy based. Each secondary response is either given away either as a final solution or it might be tried after any other response fails.

For example, a person might start running away or fighting back but surrender at last after realizing that both responses could do more harm. Also, a person or creature can choose different combinations of three responses to protect itself and render expected results.

1) Freeze (Detecting): Before anything else happens, this is a very first response that every creature gives under any stressful as well as normal situations. Before reacting to an impending situation, we all need to detect and understand what is going on exactly. As if we accidentally receive an electric shock, we keep ourselves still or simply stop making any kind of body movements.

This response greatly helps us in concentrating on and collecting all possible hints and clues about an ongoing situation or any approaching entity. Our brain tries to gather and process them as accurately and quickly as possible. However, freezing time does vary from one person to another due to experience.

That’s the very reason why some persons appear frozen, unsure or locked-up over a longer duration in face of danger before giving further response. On the other hand, some of us react quickly but inappropriately at most of time, only because of not being able to judge outcomes of particular response.

Duration of staying in frozen or detection mode is entirely dependent upon how quickly we could figure out our own capabilities, risks subjected with our involvement in an impending situation or with any approaching entity and also potential consequences of very next step we take in defense.

2) Flight (Running away): After judging a situation or approaching entity as potentially harmful and assuming that we may not survive (by fighting with) same, we unconsciously choose to move away from physical space we share with it, its possible reach or attacking range of it as quickly as possible.

Flight or running away is a very basic yet warrantable response especially to novel or unexpected situations, approaching or emerging entities, concepts, ideas or thoughts because we don’t have any experience about possible outcomes due to lack of previous encounter or engagement with them.

It’s also equally interesting to know that physiological changes taking place corresponding to flight response are almost indistinguishable from that of fight. While giving both responses, our heart increases blood supply to major muscles of our body. In result, skin temperature also increases.

Unlike freezing over a considerably long amount of time, running away from danger happens comparatively faster. Flight or running away is most likely response to be given by our limbic system because it’s matter of survival.

3) Fight (Defending): After judging a situation or approaching entity as potentially harmful and assuming that we should, can or have to defeat it; we unconsciously choose to prepare ourselves for launching an attack. We don’t keep ourselves away from physical space we share with it, its possible reach or attacking range of it.

Fighting or defending is a very tempting response especially to known or previously encountered situations, approaching or emerging entities, concepts, ideas or thoughts because have experience about results which came out of  previous encounters or engagements with them.

Unlike running away from the source of danger, launching an attack takes some time because one needs to decide an effective strategy, choose correct physical movements and pick appropriate weapons to defeat and overcome the source of danger.

4) Forfeit (Surrendering): When neither running away from nor fighting with seems to work in favor at all, we choose to surrender ourselves in the face of potentially harmful situations or entities. Very dramatic and rapid changes happen in our overall body posture.

We unconsciously choose to appear small, self-consoling, immobile and harmless. Also, we try to conceal and protect our most vulnerable body parts like neck, chest and ventral cavity i. e. abdominal area by arching our back and pulling our legs closer to body.

Passengers in Brace Position

Haven’t you ever heard about the brace position inside the airplanes? It’s always exercised during aircraft crash to save ourselves from physical injuries as much as possible. While aircraft is crashing, we know that only turning ourselves into a turtle could possibly save us from injuries cause by impact.

Also, time wasted during freeze response can be reduced by enhancing detecting and judging abilities e. g. a well-trained special force operator, martial artist, soldier or spy can launch attack on its opponent(s) or enemies much quickly than an ordinary person. James Bond pulls trigger far before his enemy does. Right?

I’m quite sure that many of us (including biologists, psychologists, behavioral researchers, body language experts, nonverbal communication experts and personals handling emergencies that involve people in trouble) simply confuse the forfeit response with the flight response which isn't right at all.

If you have same confusion at deeper level then please go through the aforementioned details again to know clear differences between the both. On the other hand, forfeit isn’t considered as one of basic responses because term ‘Fight-Flight-Freeze’ or simply ‘Flight or Fight’ was very popular among us.

Chasing and Running: Classical story of a cat and a mouse

Whenever I recall that brief incident, I truly appreciate these responses and also very ability to detect them in ourselves and others. If we would have failed to detect aggression in that monkey before choosing to fight over running away then fate of me and my wife would have been entirely different for sure.

Only ability of precisely detecting behavioral changes and nonverbal clues subjected with these four basic responses given by body can ensure better and harmonious results for individuals, groups and organizations that have to face and deal or interact with people and creatures on routine.

Not just specific people but we all have to do it day in and out. Isn’t it right? In our large and complex world, with people growing in numbers, detecting nonverbal and body language clues accurately and quickly is crucial and moreover - life changing.

Successful survival of my wife and myself was the result of a well thought-about tactical move. However, I would kindly suggest you to stay adventurous and exploring while maintaining caution and safety.

Related Articles:
1) Basic Emotional Expressions 2) Fear Factor 3) Just by looking at Hands and Eyes 4) The Body Seeking Comfort 5) Amygdala Hijack: Irrational Physical Reactions 6) Chicken and Egg Paradox 7) Body Language under Stress

Reading Body Language - Perceptual Bias

Are you reading right?

I can clearly recall one incident which would perfectly explain what I’m trying to put here in this article. This article is all about how an individual's own strong desire or unsettling urge can and does influence the individual's ability to interpret body language of others, especially those who are targeted, selected or chosen to fulfill the desire or urge.

At one fine afternoon, I went on a walk with some my friends and colleagues from my office team in Pune (India) after lunch. After covering some distance, we reached in a large and open public space as we did several times before. All of us sat on a bench except one special person. He stood right in front of us by resting his hands over his hips, ultimately making himself look bigger. Inside the office, he was my team leader.

I would like to mention here that he used to claim himself as a body language expert publicly, most of the time only in my presence and right on my face. It didn't stop there too. One day, he challenged me to interpret his body language in front of a few colleagues which I humbly denied, right on his face. Actually, he was alluring me into his trap, wanted me to go wrong anyway and make fun of me.

Well! Let's come back to the incident which ultimately resulted into this very article. While we were chatting among ourselves, a small group of boys and girls came there and all of them sat 50 to 60 feet away from us. What happened after that moment only added to my deep interest about the social readings out of unconscious desires.

Right from the moment the group arrived at the spot, a really good looking girl caught attention of the self-proclaimed body language expert. He started to look at her continuously and without batting his eyelids but she somehow didn’t realize about same. Apart of other girls in the group, she had dressed up very well indeed.

She sat 5 to 6 feet away from rest of her friends, only to talk with somebody else privately on her cell phone. This only added to excitement of the guy and perhaps few others too in our group, as most of them were unmarried and looking out for suitable partners. She kept talking on phone and he started looking at her only, almost continuously.

The girl on her cell phone

Just a couple of minutes passed and an unexpected event occurred. The so-called body language expert suddenly asked me a question, “What’s your interpretation of that girl’s body language?”. Without wasting a single moment, I answered to him, by saying, “She’s just busy in talking with someone in private. Other than that, she’s not conveying anything.”

It simply didn’t just end there and the whole incident took a new turn. Matter of fact is I was expecting the same derogatory comments from him at that moment when he was quite busy in looking at her continuously. Undoubtedly, he was enormously attracted at her beauty and wanted her to look at him in return.

The so-called body language expert tried to simply turn me down in front of others in our group, by saying, “Sachchidanand, you simply didn’t fulfill my expectations by answering this way. The girl is doing nothing but trying to grab attention (of him only?) by sitting away from her friends. What all she wants is to get attention (of him only?).”

Well! The guy indirectly conveyed his own desire or urge even when she never looked at anybody else other than her own group of friends. She wasn’t giving away any nonverbal clues of attention grabbing, grooming and/or flirting. She never looked at him and anybody in our group. She was just sitting there, glued to her cell phone and busy talking with somebody.

Like all others in our group, I was quite aware and experienced about sarcastic, jealous and derogatory commenting style of the guy. Definitely, he was quite skillful in reading people and has done some good social readings, according to my personal experience. However, his unconscious desire or urge took hold of his mind while reading her body language clues.

The only reason behind his wrong, incorrect or biased interpretation about the girl was his own desire or urge to attract her attention at himself as he couldn’t move towards an unfamiliar but nice looking and well-dressed girl. Not just with him only but this exactly happens with almost everybody, everywhere and quite frequently!

Subjective Perception

When our instincts, emotions, impulses, desires and urges are stronger than rational and logical thinking, we simply look at people and/or situations in false colors only. We unconscious try to convince ourselves or (openly) defend our own biased or individual-centric viewpoint(s) about the individuals we are looking at and/or the situations we are in.

We try to interpret people and/or situations on the basis of our own intentions, motives, emotions or desires that we harbor for/towards them. Very few of us can throw away, override or keep aside what we unconsciously need, want or expect from the individuals under observation. Only those are called as the real experts.

Moreover, an individual assumes that he/she is the only target or center of attention of the individual or a group of the people that he/she is looking at the moment. This frequently and widely prevalent psychological phenomenon, which I personally call it as Perceptual Bias for Unconsciously Desired Result (PBUDR). In other words, it can be shortly called as ‘Subjective Perception’.

We don't just misread or misinterpret facial expressions and body language of people but also appearances, placements, arrangements, sequencing and links among different objects and entities. Don't you really believe in what I'm saying? There are plenty of real life examples and there's a single best one to put here. Just take a simple test of yourself!

What you personally think after looking at this woman’s face? Does she look jealous, angry, bored or lustful/flirtatious? Without any doubt, your answer would reflect your own subjective perception or desire about her especially if you're a male seeking female attention.

Are these eyes jealous, angry, bored or lustful?

Just to mention here that this face has been included in a small quiz created by me. By clicking on this link, you can test your social reading skills and know your score. Go ahead with it!

Related Articles:
1) Hand Gestures 2) Facial Expressions 3) Postures 4) Para Language 5) Micro Expressions 6) Context 7) Proxemics 8) Congruence 9) Clusters 10) Challenges 11) Interpretation 12) Baseline 13) Observation is the key 14) Are you Jealous? (of me) 15) Artificial Intelligence and Body Language