Nonverbal World - Body Language and Nonverbal Communication: October 2010

Retaining positive impression of hand shake

We've seen how a good and positive hand shake is exercised. It's time to know that which things need to be avoided to retain positive impression that hand shake builds. Avoidable things mentioned below negatively affect the very basic purpose of this ritual - expression of openness, cooperativeness, enthusiasm, and harmless state. Charge yourself with faith and self-esteem before engaging in hand shake.

Do not touch, scratch, pinch or rub any parts of your own body; it could invite irritation from other side. If you engage in hand shake first time with other person, it's very important not to touch his/her body parts also. Don't put free hand in pockets or hold it behind your back because it communicates lack of enthusiasm or suspicion. Don't exercise hand shake with gloves put on as much as possible. Don't put free hand on hips; it's sign of domination. Don't point at any direction by free hand; it communicates disorientation.

Don't point by fingers at person engaged in hand shaking, it's invading. Don't keep any objects between you and other person like chair, table, file, folder, cup, mug etc. Don't shake hand over the walls, roofs or partitions if possible. Don't look downward or upward after a hand shake. Simply give brief glance at the eye level to either side and return gaze to other person with smile. Don't cross hands over chest after a hand shake. Exchange some good words with open and empty palm of other hand facing upwards.

Most important thing is not to exercise hand shake every now and then during interaction or while being introduced. It simply communicates that you're imposing yourself on the other person or want to get more out of the deal. In few cultures, it's permissible to exercise a hand shake frequently. Almost globally, hand shake at the beginning and at the end of interaction is a normal practice.

Generally, women don't offer a hand shake on their own in most societies and cultures.

After rapport between you and other person gets established, it's positive move to briefly touch his/her wrist, elbow or shoulder to express trust and boost union. This would help reduce formality and promote friendliness.

It should be exercised between equal ranking personals and by seniors with sub-ordinates.

1) What is hand shake? 2) What hand shake conveys about person? 3) Why we hug? 4) Why we smile? 5) The Power of Handshake

Women are body language experts

Women are supposed to be more intuitive than men in interpreting body language and nonverbal communication because of their naturally evolved abilities and skills. They may not analyze nonverbal clues deliberately but they can sense them precisely.

They give birth to children and face challenge of understanding every situation or condition babies face only by observing their facial expressions, gestures, postures, movements, and voice (tone and pitch) since babies can't communicate verbally like experienced or trained person.

Emotional interaction with babies is secret of social awareness

Also, they resonate to baby's facial expressions and vocal tone to sympathize and create a strong bond. They unconsciously use brain's both prefrontal hemispheres to process emotional and para linguistic data. Understanding others and responding to them properly was crucial for survival and successful propagation of genes to next generations.

Despite of today's liberated and economically independent environment, women remained dependent on tribal groups (mostly lead by men) for security, resource sharing, and rearing children throughout million years of human evolution. Unlike men resolving most issues by physicality and outright arguments, women had to choose a path of more harmonious and social resolutions. They are more expressive, social, and diplomatic then men.

Men can get expertise in reading body language only by keen observations and precise co-relation with given situation or circumstance. Developing contextual awareness of different situations can help men in mastering people reading than a objective and confined vision.

1) Evolution of Nonverbal communication 2) "The expression of emotions in man and animals" 3) "Nonverbal" is alien way of communication? 4) Emotions are manipulated 5) Unlimited potentials 6) Basic emotional expressions 7) Survival of communicator 8) Woman’s Courtship (Part 1) 9) Woman’s Courtship (Part 2) 10) Observation is the key 11) Child inside us 12) Social Footsteps 13) The spy we love

What is hand shake?

Hand shake's almost a global ritual for establishing mutual confidence and faith with equality, cooperativeness, and friendliness. Handshake is an initiating gesture and more formal way of connecting with people and encouraging them for further interactions.

A hand shake can make or break the deal. Not offering or receiving it appropriately i.e. not considering kind of environment, gender, age, authority, mood of person could invite shame, rejection or hostility.

How an effective hand shake should be? Let's find out how it evolved in first place to know its importance in today's context.

Basically, hand shaking is to communicate harmless state. As per a story, roman soldiers used to check each other by touching or running their fingers on wrists, forearms and elbows to ensure that they are not holding or hiding any arm or weapon. Furthermore, holding and shaking hands together would let any blade or dagger fall to the ground. Isn't that interesting? Keep in mind that shaking hand is to let others know that you are approaching them friendly and want to connect.

A positive and formal handshake is exercised by two persons by standing upright, facing each other at comfortable distance, pointing feet towards each other, keeping neck straight and not stiff, smiling on face, meeting gaze, touching each others palm in vertical direction by firmly griping fingers over them and slowly moving hands up and down at least 2-3 times.

Emotional Intelligence and Success

Howard Gardner (the founder of Multiple Intelligence theory) emphasizes on emotional awareness. Success mostly depends upon how person precisely understand emotions and reacts appropriately i.e. whether person is emotionally intelligent or not. Emotions are common for every person but attitude and temperaments of an individual determines its destiny.

We have an inherited ability to unconsciously realize an emotional interplay even we don't emphasize or pay enough attention to nonverbal aspects of communication. All personal characteristics only can be judged through face-to-face interactions or observations.

Traits like openness, genuineness, tolerance, politeness, resilience, courage, diligence, determination, confidence, cooperativeness, compassion, competency, consistency, commitment, comfort level, maturity, self-esteem, strength, enthusiasm, trustworthiness, respectfulness, kindness, foreseeability, and affection give clear insight of individual nature. In short, body language, kinesics, and nonverbal communication expresses emotional character of a person.

Emotions are manipulated

Lacking verbal abilities, other creatures survive on their instincts, reflexes, and predictive behavior. They find no difficulty in understanding and judging each there. Verbal languages came into existence actually to support and accelerate communication at large scale by eradicating confusions, wrong guesses, and false assumptions. Therefore, nonverbal expressions should correspond to message words convey. But thinking is an unique quality that gives humans the power to control and manipulate emotions and feelings purposefully.

For securing personal or social interests, verbal communication is regulated by inhibiting or tampering actual motivations. Expressions discord with words while lying and defensive, distracting or submissive gestures, postures, and expressions are automatically adopted. Brain immediately anticipates threat of being exposed and getting punished and tries to somehow dispose it. Some of us are very good lie busters; accurately picking nonverbal clues like fear or nervousness given away by a lying person.

1) Evolution of Nonverbal communication 2) "The expression of emotions in man and animals" 3) "Nonverbal" is alien way of communication? 4) Emotion Intelligence and Success 5) Women are body language experts 6) Unlimited potentials 7) Basic emotional expressions 8) Survival of communicator 9) The guy who saved his career

Unlimited Potentials

Today, robots and computers are being taught to interpret and express human emotions and it overtly underlines the effectiveness of nonverbal communication. If machines will communicate with us nonverbally in future then why not we, surviving from millions of years using same language, master it again?

Communication only 7% by words

Knowledge of body language, kinesics, and nonverbal communication can be harnessed not only in personal, professional, and social life but also in different fields like education, sports, entertainment, media, fashion, advertisement, performing arts, public relationship, psychoanalysis, counseling, human resource, marketing, servicing, tourism, hospitality, disaster management, rehabilitation, health care, counseling, security, intelligence, law & order, international relationships, diplomacy, administration, strategic planning, ergonomics etc.

Lawyers, educators, trainers, psychologists, actors, politicians, diplomats, media analysts, businessmen, traders, counselors, investigators, security officials, secret agents, and burglars mostly interact with people as part of their profession who are smart enough to interpret them nonverbally. Also, our parents or grand parents might be well-versed in it. Anyone can develop such intelligence like them. It’s for sure that proficiency in body language and nonverbal communication would let you know yourself and others better and pave a way towards success, harmony, and happiness like never before.

1) Evolution of Nonverbal communication 2) "The expression of emotions in man and animals" 3) "Nonverbal" is alien way of communication? 4) Emotions are manipulated 5) Women are body language experts 6) Survival of communicator 7) Basic emotional expressions 8) Emotional Intelligence and success 9) Genius of acting 10) What is Nonverbal Communication?

Evolution of Nonverbal Communication

Let’s try to understand that how nonverbal communication evolved. We all know that our ancestors faced same challenges like any other creatures. To survive successfully, any creature has to 1) defend itself from predators and adverse climatic conditions, 2) mark and defend certain geographical area for shelter, 3) find and preserve food to live upon, 4) attract a mate, protect it, and produce off-springs, 5) take care of off-springs and teach them same techniques and manners, 6) cooperate and coordinate with members of same species as well as others to seize opportunities and minimize risk to life.

To have same skills, an intelligent system came into existence that senses each factor subjected with survival and responds to it appropriately. We know that sensory organs send signals to brain, brain processes them, and finally signals are sent back to various parts of body. Capability of sensing and reacting to and by various forms of signals like sounds, movements, gestures, facial expressions, postures, smells, and colors are basic characteristics of nonverbal communication.

Emotions

These nonverbal characteristics are deeply rooted in emotions and reflexes. Word “Emotion” has been derived from word “Emote” and it simply means as “to drive”. An emotion can be generally defined as “a pre-defined survival strategy or intention of reacting to environment or entities”. We all share and live under the influence emotions because they have deeper, wider, and crucial importance for us. Emotions evolved as perceptional reflexes and each specific emotion helps in securing and supporting corresponding survival interest.

Fear helps body to move way from source or place of danger, anger to reprove or retaliate, anxiety to anticipate risks or dangers, suspect to demand assurance, pride to challenge rivals, respect to secure favors from others, and affection to create bonds. Unconsciously, we reciprocate with environment and entities around us on basis of emotions and feelings.

1) Survival of communicator 2) "The expression of emotions in man and animals" 3) "Nonverbal" is alien way of communication? 4) Emotions are manipulated 5) Women are body language experts 6) Unlimited potentials 7) Basic emotional expressions 8) Body Language Brain 9) Fear Factor 10) What is Nonverbal Communication? 11) My interpretation of Victory display